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 Post subject: bad christmas jokes
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:37 am 
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Super Tuff Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:57 am
Posts: 773
What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus
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What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y
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What did one Angel say to the other ?
Halo there
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How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year"
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What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards
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How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithful
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again

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What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues
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What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
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What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause
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Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
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Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells
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Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles
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What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it
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Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach
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What's beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
Cinderellephant
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What's the scariest pantomime?
Ghouldilocks and the three bears
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On which side of the house did Jack's beanstalk grow?
On the outside
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What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs?
Someday my prints will come
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What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A flying car-pet
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What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you
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Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs
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How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it
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Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy
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How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground
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Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognised
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Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones
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Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them
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What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer
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What’s the difference between a biscuit and a reindeer?
You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea
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If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?
A retail shop
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Why don't reindeer like penguins?
They can't get the wrappers off
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Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch
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What did the dog say to the reindeer?
Woof, woof
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What’s the difference between a reindeer and a grape?
They're both purple, except for the reindeer
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What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo
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What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
Frost bite
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What's white, furry and smells of mint?
A polo bear
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What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats
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What did the snowman order at McDonalds?
Icerbergers with chilli sauce
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What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost
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Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?
Santa Paws
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Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
Because he's Sooty !
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Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic.
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What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
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Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
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Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.
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Teacher: Why did you bring that Christmas plant to school?
Student: Don't worry. It's just for the holly-days.


and that will do :mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: bad christmas jokes
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 5:24 pm 
Cromo Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:09 pm
Posts: 2094
Location: portadown, northern ireland
:lol:
just to add to it:
i wonder how many letters satan gets from dyslexic children at christmas? :lol:

btw dlete if you want/isnt appropriate ;)


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 Post subject: Re: bad christmas jokes
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 5:49 pm 
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Super Tuff Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:57 am
Posts: 773
:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: bad christmas jokes
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 6:44 pm 
Cromo Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:09 pm
Posts: 2094
Location: portadown, northern ireland
redred wrote:
:lol:


thats wat i thought but some people take jokes too seriously :roll:

aww well :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: bad christmas jokes
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 7:09 pm 
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Super Tuff Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:57 am
Posts: 773
it was the way you spelt delete that also made me laugh :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: bad christmas jokes
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 8:53 pm 
Cromo Burner

Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:09 pm
Posts: 2094
Location: portadown, northern ireland
:oops:
and im in top class :oops: :oops:
ima go sulk now :lol:


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